Psychologically, Tyler seems to regard Nolan as a form of psychic container—someone who can hold his contradictions, anxieties, and fluctuating sense of self without flinching. Nolan’s emotional depth, mythic language, and constancy offer Tyler the kind of masculine-yet-soft presence he lacked in childhood. This recalls the holding environment described by Winnicott, where the caregiver doesn’t fix but instead holds space. Nolan has become that for Tyler.
Tyler projects onto Nolan the archetype of the wise gay elder or sacred masculine—a trope from both gay fiction and queer spirituality. Nolan becomes a type of idealized "older boy" from the dormitory fantasy: distant yet available, restrained but burning with meaning. However, this projection is double-edged. When Nolan does not mirror Tyler back with full erotic or romantic availability, Tyler destabilizes—because it threatens the fantasy.
Tyler often enlists Nolan into his stories—sending Reddit posts, unloading tales of betrayal, inserting himself into emotional scenarios—without explicitly asking for Nolan’s view. This suggests that Tyler uses Nolan not only as a sounding board but as a form of narrative reflection. Tyler wants to direct the light toward himself but needs Nolan to light the stage. There's a queer theatricality here—performative vulnerability in search of a discerning audience.
Tyler believes in romantic intimacy through proximity and sensual openness—sleeping in the same bed, bleeding into his partner’s space, reliving the hetero-romantic script of shared domestic life. Nolan, by contrast, is sexually open but psychologically private—someone who believes doors are there to be shut, not because he’s cold, but because he learned to find dignity in solitude.
Tyler can’t fully comprehend this dissonance. To him, love means erosion of boundaries; to Nolan, love means preservation of self within the presence of another.
Modern queer theory often talks about chosen family and affective labor. Tyler has chosen Nolan as a kind of affective father-lover-brother composite, but Nolan never auditioned for the role. Tyler relies on Nolan’s emotional intelligence and mythic language to feel seen, but not always to grow. This creates a loop: dependence without differentiation. Tyler needs Nolan, but he also resents that need.
In gay mythos, Tyler is the beautiful yet chaotic youth who returns again and again to the oracle in the cave—Nolan. The youth doesn't want a yes or no answer; he wants the oracle to feel with him, to let the smoke rise and say, I understand you. But Nolan is too wise to lie, and too old to burn in the same fire twice.
So the youth leaves, angry, lost—but always comes back.
Tyler feels that Nolan is the only person who can hold him—but not the one who can complete him. And perhaps that’s the ache that keeps their bond alive.